The Here, The Now

At AWP where writers from the ivory tower of academia congregate, we would joke that the fiction writers were homely but the poets were striking. We were the poets. As a student working for my college's literary magazine I was granted a free ticket and reimbursement of my travel costs so I jumped at the chance to attend. On a undersold flight to Atlanta I upgraded to first class for $90 and watched the fields go from snow covered to bare to green. It was February and still freezing in Chicago but in Atlanta the trees were flowering.

In my now scrapped five year plan I was due to have a book out by now. Just a chapbook, but still. In reality, I haven't been able to do any writing for some time. Everything I used to write about seems stale and silly now, but to write about what's happening to me now...that wound is too fresh. The only thing to do is wait it out, wait for the bleeding to stop, wait it to scab over.

My negotiations for a new medication were successful. I am now on my second day of Mestinon. One excellent and immediate benefit: farewell to all my bloating, cramping, nausea and constipation. Just like that! I think I might be gaining some endurance too, but it's a bit too soon to tell. In any case, I'm pleased. Also, very thankful. I felt so miserable going into that appointment that there was a surgeon trying to hit on me and I couldn't even reciprocate.

A SURGEON! Trying to HIT ON ME! The healthy me of three years ago would have been engaged to him by now.

I've begun the somewhat agonizing process of finding out whether I qualify to be added as a dependent under my mother's new insurance policy. I'm in the middle of collecting the necessary documentation, but some of it is make me leery. Why do they need the names and address of my former employers for instance? I'm not trying to work for them after all, I just want their juicy benefits.

That sounds kind of grasping, but really, it would mean getting the two cavities I've had since 2006 filled, an eye exam, new contact lenses, trips to the hand therapist and ring splints, and an end to my system of "No, I can't see that doctor this month, because I have to see this doctor." And "Oops, I had to go to the ER so I need to cancel this month's PT."

I was telling my friend J. about this and she asked "What else?"

There was my failed attempt to de-stress, where I went for a walk in the woods behind my house. It was really warm outside, so I wore shorts. Five minutes later, every thorn bush in the woods had lashed me somewhere on my body so I gave up and stumbled back inside, bloody legs and all. I took a picture and was going to inflict it upon you all, but I've decided to let you just imagine. It wasn't relaxing, but it was funny...to everyone else. (Well...I did laugh some, after I patched myself up, but my legs stung so bad!)

Also, I think I want to go to Germany. I don't have a passport, but that can be remedied. I don't have the money, but I can save it. I have a good friend whose parents live in Bad Nauheim, near Frankfurt and said I'd be welcome if I ever came to or through Germany. The plane ride will probably suck.

I will probably go and be sick in my German hosts' guest bedroom for a day or two. But after that, I bet it'd be worth it.