I've had a real case of the springtime grumps. I've been really, really lonely and isolated with just my cats for company and I haven't had much spare energy for "social networking."
Frankly, I was never really outgoing at the best of times, preferring a few besties and lot of acquaintances but now I find myself sitting in coffee shops and ice cream parlors and watching people coming and going and talking with each other and remembering the times I used to sit and drink coffee and eat ice cream with my friends.
And frankly I'm a little worried about myself, like I might be a step away from being one of those people who mails anthrax to elementary schools or something. (Well, maybe not that bad.)
But generally, despite being stand-offish, pedantic and condescending I need to make friends, or at a minimum to open my mouth and speak the English language to someone capable of reciprocating.
And on top of all that, all is not quiet on the medical front. The first clue was when I stopped sleeping as well. I really, really rely on sleep as someone who deals with a lot of pain. Lately I've had a really hard time falling asleep and I've been waking up with less than my usual eight and a half hours.
Then there's my blood pressure. Since I got my POTS meds right, my blood pressure hovers around 100-110 systolic, very seldom higher unless I'm in the extremes of pain.
But yesterday I woke up feeling that special kind of crap and my blood pressure at the doctor's office was 86/51. At that low I have a really hard time following directions and understand what's being said to me. The nurse asked me to follow her into the bathroom to warm my hands under the tap so she could get a good vein and I stood up, took two steps and forgot what I was doing.
I was going to drive back, since this doctor was a long drive but my mom took the keys. Probably a good idea.
Most worrying of all, my GI tract. It was never well behaved, honestly, but right now the only thing reliable is my swallow reflex. The OTC drugs and prescriptions that usually work well aren't working at all.
So I've been losing weight and feeling miserable: bloated, constipated, and periodically wracked with those cramps that you get when you get food poisoning and your body tries to expel everything in under 10 minutes. Only nothing comes out!
I'm worried that it means nothing good, so I've been trying to get in with my GI doc.
On the lonely positive front, I finally found a pain management doctor who is a human being and thinks that I am one too. We'll call him Dr. B. henceforth.
I also started writing poems. For the first time in nearly two years. It was like a dam breaking. I just started writing again. Finally!