My personality changes when I'm in pain.
"I'm tired," I told my mother on my way to my hematology appointment. "I want to give up." Suffering a serious case of doctor fatigue and fatigue in my life in general. A tiredness that goes much deeper than the tiredness of the body or the mind.
I shuffle through business cards, phone numbers jotted on notebook paper. An acupuncturist that someone "swears by." Choose carefully. Some aren't going to pan out. Some will be ignorant, some insulting. Really, the only cure for this is experience or if not a wide-open mind.
The holidays are coming up and they've already begun scheduling clear into January and February of next year, which means I get to spend Christmas with inferior pain management.
Without a PCP or treating doctor I can forget about pain management referrals and likewise for physical therapy or occupational therapy. And of course the handicap placard that started it all.
The idea actually occurred to me to try to purposely dislocate my left shoulder and hope they'd treat me with pain relievers at the ER. Or throw myself down the stairs?
These are the kinds of things that go through your mind when you can't sleep for pain.