Haste

If my life were a video game, right now I'd hit pause, step away from the screen and make myself a sandwich. There is just so much going on and I can only parse a little bit at a time, which means there's an enormous backlog of things to do that I don't even want to think about.

Just day to day things. I closed my account at one bank and moved to another, so all my direct deposits and withdrawals have to come over. I have to set up a payment plan for the bill from my hip surgery and I offered to proofread a friend's manuscript.

My body has plans too, apparently. There is something neurologically wrong with me and I'm not sure what it is. At first, I couldn't tandem walk; that is, put one foot in front of the other and walk in straight line. Everytime I tried I'd stumble and lose my balance. Then my feet, which had been feeling numb, started tingling. Then all of me started tingling. And my balance got worse. I can't walk up hills or on uneven ground. I'm exhausted and lethargic most of the time. I can only manage to operate for a few hours out of the day. The rest of the time I can't even think straight. I can't remember if I took my pills, so I have pen marks on my arm so I don't accidentally take two doses.

These symptoms are getting worse quickly, so I'm trying to motivate my neurologist. It's hard. The MRI I had came back clear, which I expected. I don't think I have MS. But I really want to get tested for a B12 deficiency sooner, rather than later, because neurological complications can be permanent and I have enough permanent problems with my body to worry about. It makes sense: I'm a vegetarian and I was a pescetarian long before I was diagnosed with POTS or EDS.

My PCP is on vacation, her substitute is booked (I'm on the cancellation list.) I just want to steal a blank requisition and get my own tests done. Despite the fact that this blog is a never ending stream of medical complaints, I'm very discriminating with what I mention to my doctors, because I want to be taken seriously in times like this, when I know something is wrong and haste is called for.