Saturday, March 10, 2012

My New Blog & Things that Never Change

Here are just a few things I can't figure out on WordPress: how to change the display title of my blog, how to add links to other blogs, how to change the basic HTML of a theme (without having to pay for it!). How to speed this process up. I changed the name of my blog, wrote several posts in advance, and had some high hopes that are now being flustered for silly technical reasons. If only Google didn't decide they had to own everyone's online existence!

In any case, I'm going to post some. In weeks past, my hip let me understand that something was amiss. There was pain in my groin, in my lower back. The same thing was happening in my left and right hip, but the left was worse. I would have used my forearm crutches, but my shoulders were too painful. I had been in a lot of pain. Sleepless, jaw-clenching pain. So when, in January, a migraine doctor lectured me, I finally lost my patience.

What had she said...if I stopped taking my medicine, I'd find I didn't need it after all? Opiates weren't good for chronic pain? It was all so much bullshit. I was in so much pain that I sweated all the time, I couldn't eat, I struggled to maintain concentration and this bitch was trying to make me go to rehab.

I said, no, no, no.

"I've had bad experiences with the doctors here," I said, "I don't really trust them."

"It's just three weeks!" She said.

"I'm really not interested." I said firmly.

"Well, I'm sure you'll have no problem finding a clinic to prescribe you high-dose opiates," she said, dropping all pretense of kindess. "There's one in Akron, there's one in Cuyahoga Falls." It was as if she thought she'd figured out my whole reason for coming in.

I just gaped at her, trying to work out how an appointment about Botox and migraines had ended in me getting accused of drug-seeking.


It left a bitter taste in my mouth. That night, and the next night and two weeks after. Finally I cancelled my appointments and wrote her a long letter about how I felt. Her mean-spiritedness wore on me. It diminished a spirit that was already worn from several years of illness and personal loss.

All I said in the letter though was that I found her conduct unprofessional and unbecoming of someone in a helping profession.

The hip surgery I consented to in desperation, I think. The orthoped was excellent, having worked with several EDS patients before, including those more severely affected than myself. When my MRI with contrast showed damage to the labrum, the spongy tissue that held the head of my femur in place, I called back the next day to say I'd get the surgery.

When the following Wednesday opened up, I took the slot.

In this case, I'd call my impulsiveness, decisiveness.

With the combination of pain control and lying around time, I'll probably end up posting quite a bit while I figure out WordPress.

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