Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Short & Bitter
I have always subconsciously believed that what my doctors said was true: that my condition wasn't progressive and that as long as I was kept exercising, my POTS would eventually get better. However, three years later, it's clear that this just isn't the case. Every time I look up, my joints are a little looser and autonomic nervous system is a little more deranged. I visited my sister in Delaware for a month and did a lot of thinking while I was there. I've been trying to live the life my doctors have been advertising. The life where physical therapy is keeping my joints stabilized and exercise is keeping my POTS symptoms stable. And that just isn't true. I have to live the life my body is offering me: the one where my joints keep getting looser and more painful and the neurological symptoms get more and more frightening. I don't have to resign myself to that, but if I'm tired of crying myself to sleep every night (and I am) it's time I admitted to myself that this condition is progressing. And I better get with it.