Really I'm just afraid. Afraid of failure. I don't trust my body and I don't trust my mind. When I say "I hate..." I really mean "I fear..."
I have a degenerative disease and no medical support. I've had such awful things happen to me in a hospital that no one even believes them. Actually, most of my doctors have been bad ones. That's the truth. I've had two doctors I've seen whom I would call 'excellent.' And three that I would call 'very good.' Of those, two are in state and one is accessible.
One says that my weird group of symptoms is migraines, the other says that it is atlanto-axial hypermobility leading to impingement of my cranial nerves and I should see a neurosurgeon.
But I have to digest this somehow. I just have to. And call the Board of Education on Monday and ask them how I can start subbing. My resumé is up to date and everything. With a terminal degree such as I have, I could teach full-time, without the need for licensure, provided the school is willing to hire me.
I don't know whether my head is coming off my neck or whatever. I really do need something done about my hips, even if it's just a proper set of crutches. And my left thumb is coming off the rest of my hand.
But I'm sure I can keep the third graders company until their regular teacher comes back.