Sunday, April 18, 2010

I Need Help

I need help. That's all I can conclude. Taking the maximum dose of tramadol every six hours on the dot gives me just enough pain relief to lie in bed. Once I sit up, stand and start walking around, all bets are off.

Or in the numerical system that doctors are so fond of (fond of ignoring, in my case) it's 5/10 lying down and 7-8/10 once I'm up and about. This makes even venturing out into public almost insurmountable. My face is a mask of strain and I get confused very easily. By the end of the day it is usually a 9/10. This usually ends in vomiting and/or fainting as well as retreating into the basement so my parents can't hear me wailing.

This is unacceptable. And I think I could call it IMMORAL and INHUMANE as well. I wish it were ILLEGAL so that I could expedite the process by pressing charges. I asked for better pain control back in January and it never came. Which means now, in April, I am just a few steps away from being completely unable to get out of bed. Because of untreated pain for a diagnosed disorder known to cause pain.

What should I do? My geneticist said narcotics were a last resort. Well, how much more last resort can one get? Should I wait until I can't get out of bed at all? Even if the answer to that was 'yes' I refuse to. If this new pain management doctor or rheumy turns me down, I'll get another one. And another one.

Why must everything be so damned difficult? How many more hoops do I have to jump through before there's finally some result? Why don't my doctors believe me when I tell them these things? Why don't they trust me?

Why is this my life?


Lucy said...

My heart totally goes out to you, sending a hug of support your way.

kholla07 said...

I love you, sister. I'm coming home May 1, 2010! And you're coming back with me to Philly in mid-May. I am praying for you...take heart. You are not alone.

Yvette said...

Lucy, thank you so much!